‘When I was young I used to pray for a bike, then I realized that God doesn’t work that way, so I stole a bike and prayed for forgiveness’.
Innkeeper: The room is $15 a night. It’s $5 if you make your own bed.
Guest: I’ll make my own bed.
Innkeeper: Good. I’ll get you some nails and wood.
A guy asks his waiter how they prepare their chicken. The waiter says that there’s nothing special... “We just flat out tell 'em they’re gonna die”.
A reporter was interviewing a 104 year-old woman: “And what do you think is the best thing about being 104?” She simply replied, “No peer pressure.”
The children had all been photographed, and the teacher was trying to persuade each to buy a copy of the group picture.
“Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you are all grown up and say, ‘There’s Jennifer, she’s a lawyer,’ or ‘That’s Michael, He’s a doctor.’
A small voice at the back of the room rang out, “And there’s the teacher, She’s dead.”